Fear

April 8, 2008

What do you fear?
What I fear, I cannot tell, but it must be something ordinary. I don’t fear the most weird and dangerous things. It doesn’t matter whatever it is. I just won’t care about it. If someone wants to kill me, even, then I reckon I’d shortly think about it, and then, I would accept it, let me kill and die.
No not really. But I wouldn’t care about being dead, though. When you’re dead, nothing is left, I can’t care about it if I don’t exist, right?
Anyways, back to the fear thing. I can’t tell what I fear, because it’d be the most obnoxious kind of weakness I could possibly expose. I just can tell, that there’s nothing more to fear for me anymore. However sad it is, it’s a problem.
Have you asked yourself this question once?
Oh, yeah, I asked myself this question a dozen of times. I always came to the same conclusion. No matter what it did, I can’t remember any detail, but still not forget. It’s hard to live in fear.

What do you think happens when you experience fear?
What happens, that’s fairly simple. You’re trembling. Because you’re cooling down and sweat, no matter how cold that it is. You still sweat and freeze. It’s really hard to live in fear. You always want to be dead, but you don’t want to die. Just go on living no matter what. In pain, forever trembling, deep inside.
And last: Are you really scared?
I don’t know if I’m really scared, maybe I’m just talking myself into it. And it’s all in the mind, wherever you go, to keep haunting you. But to cease the things you fear is yet, so terribly hard.
No, actually, I’m not, but I like it to appear as if that’d be the case.

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